Dreams don’t just happen; they are architected in the moments when we feel most lost. If you want to know who you will be in two decades, you have to realize that building your future self starts with the decisions you make today.
Last week, I celebrated a milestone that felt like a dream I had many years ago—but in a form that is much better than I ever imagined. It wasn’t just about a trophy; it was about realizing that sometimes what we want and when we get it aren’t exactly aligned with how we imagine it. Reality can be even better than our dreams. The real lesson? Be patient. But I know how it feels to be on the other side. I know what it’s like to feel stuck, to look at the horizon and see only fog. If you are there right now, wondering how to move forward, let me share what I’ve learned from my own “impossible” pivots.
1. Your Path Doesn’t Have to Be a Straight Line
I always tell my coachees: every single thing you’ve done in your life, even the parts you didn’t like, is a necessary building block for your purpose 20 years from now.
20 years ago, I wasn’t coaching.
10 years ago, I wasn’t even living in the U.S.
7 years ago, I wasn’t writing for Forbes.
4 years ago, I wasn’t embracing my natural silver hair.
3 years ago, I wasn’t playing tennis.
At the time, some moves felt like detours or delays. Today, I see they were essential training. When you stop trying to “find” yourself and start “creating” yourself, every past struggle becomes a future asset.
2. Listen to Yourself
When you are lost, you don’t need a map or someone to tell you what is “best” for you; you need to align your three centers of intelligence: your Head (logic), your Heart (emotion), and your Gut (intuition).
High performance happens when these three agree. I’ve learned to listen to my ‘Gut Brain.’ As Gabor Maté explores in his work ‘When the Body Says No,’ our bodies often understand our boundaries before our minds do. If a path makes your stomach tie in knots, it’s a physical ‘No,’ regardless of how logical it seems. Stress is often the sound of our body protesting a choice our logic is trying to force. But when you find the right alignment, that knot disappears. You find a ‘Clear Yes’ that brings peace instead of anxiety
3. Find Your Ikigai
To find your way out of the fog, look for your Ikigai, your reason for being, or what I simply call, your Purpose. It is the place where your passion, your mission, your profession, and your vocation meet. Ask yourself the four questions that define this intersection and be curious enough to listen to who you really want to be:
- What do you love? What makes you lose track of time?
- What are you good at? Recognize your strengths, even those you’ve taken for granted or what others say you excel at.
- What does the world need? Where can you add value? (For me, it was helping leaders find their light without burning out).
- What can you be paid for? How do you turn your purpose into a sustainable profession?
Every step starts to make sense when you align yourself with these four pillars. Your Purpose isn’t a destination; it’s the clarity that comes when these circles overlap.
4. Practice “Active Surrender”
The biggest mistake we make when we are lost is trying to force the outcome. I call my method Active Surrender: You do the work. You show up. You train. You study. And then, you let go. You have the curiosity to see what doors open when you stop banging on the ones that are locked. High performance isn’t about control; it’s about alignment through detaching from the outcome to really focus on what you can control.
5. Build Your Future Self, One “Yes” at a Time
Sometimes, life moves faster than we can logically process. Decisions that seem “too bold” or impulsive to an outsider are often the result of years of internal alignment.
I’ve learned that when you finally clear the space by letting go of what no longer serves you, the universe doesn’t just walk, it runs toward you. When you say a radical “Yes” to your own happiness, the right proposals (in life and in career) follow almost instantly.
Who do you want to be in 20 years? A person who is free? A person who inspires? A person who is at peace? You cannot become that person in 20 years if you don’t start being her today.
Your future self is waiting for you. Don’t let the fear of “how” stop you from identifying the “who.” Start working on YOU today. Not because you have all the answers, but because you deserve to find them.
Your future self will thank you for not giving up when the road was dark.
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